Manoeuvring

by Diana Dark

Will I tell you that I want you?
Never will I let myself.
All I want from you is pleasure
On my god forsaken bed.
There I'm waiting almost naked
Longing for your frozen hands
But there I will be forever
For the pleasure never ends.

Wanting

 by Diana Dark

All I can now do is hope
That you’ll come back from the sea you where lost in
‘Cause all that is left
Is the ash
Of a soul meant to be holy

I wish a star could change time
So that you’ll be back in my arms and hold me
‘Cause you’re the reason
For my soul
For the air that I breathe to live

Wishing upon the big bright star
To shine and bring you back to me with its light
I can’t live knowing
That you're gone
I wish you here again with me.

treason

by diana dark

you’re the reason
for my treason
for my every single dream
and my whim
and my screams and shouts of joy
you’re my toy
my only hope
that I’ll be on an ascending slope
in my dreams
for a time of smiles
and cries
and no end.
you give me hope
for something I can’t cope
for you can make impossible
suddenly be possible
you can make the demon
from inside be free
run away or hide
for you’re at my side
and I know that you
can make me fell true
and can make me smile
even for a while
for you have no end
I’ll never find mine
you are my obsession
and my only passion.
guide me through a night
of eternal light
and give me the sight
to see what I’ll fight
you will be the winner
for you have the power
make me scream of pleasure
and cry while I measure
the way that I feel
how you make me feel.
my last breath
is on your neck
and your hands are on my back
and I scream
for you will never know how I feel
and I feel
the drops of you sweat on my skin
it is treason, but not sin.
you.......me
. …forever….
will be
what we want to be
and what we'll never be.

Suntem sclavi.

Suntem sclavii unei vieti fara rost
In care trecem de pe-o zip e alta
Gandindu-ne la o viata fara viitor
La o singuratate de autor

Suntem sclavii linistii apasatoare
Ce ne sfasie timpanele, urland
Surzindu-ne cu sunetele moarte
Ale unui inger muritor

Dorind sa ne eliberam de viata,
De linistea din viata de apoi
Ne-alaturam unei grupari de genuri
Ne confruntam si suntem sclavi din nou.

I know it's in romanian. Sorry.

Loss

She loved the way it shown
She loved the blinding light
She loved the way it made her
Feel that she was alive.
The hold of it was choking
But she would not fight back
‘Cause she could see the power
And she was glad for that.
She could not fight the feeling
That she could still have that
That she could still be smiling
And cry and live and laugh.
She missed the love of other
She missed her love as well.
She longed the touch of someone
To hold her as she dwelled
On something that was foreign,
Of something out of sight
With meaning that could scare one
With nothing but goodbye.
She tries to understand it
But she can not succeed
How can you feel its power?
How can you feel its need?
It will forever hold her
And will never let go
Her master, her eternal
And now her only foe.

Waking

She looked upon his sleeping form
And smiled against her will.
Shifting his head he smiled in sleep
Arising questions of a dream.
He reached across the messed up bed
In search of something warm
A light, almost unnoticed laugh
Is released from her form.
The search is on and with his thumb
He grasped the fuzzy sheet,
He pulled wanting it to be stopped
And it was stopped by she.
By now his eyes were slightly opened
And he smiled up at her
His hand was slithering behind her
Wanting to pull her with.
All she could use against - was nought
For as he pulled her down
Trying not to collide
Their bodies touched
The warmth, turned to fire
Sun to Moon
No waking.

Surrender

The love you’ll give, will blind me
Making it impossible
To fight
To yell
To stutter
Upon a restless life.
May I resent you later
And make you go away.
You will forever hold me
And will deceive again.

And as you turned away I stumbled
I lost my only train of thoughts.
You turned away in manic laughter
And left me there to see your ghost.

I’m looking upon that road
The one that made you vanish
I fought
I yelled
I stuttered
And found it would not help
For you resented me
And made me go away.
You keep your hold on still
And deceive you will again.

‘Cause you succeeded breaking my soul
And clumped remorsefully my life
You started laughing at my despair
And I could only allow you that.

Worth

There are places I'll remember all my life, though some have changed...
... some forever, not for better, some have gone and some remained.
All these places had their moments, lovers, friends: I can recall
Some are dead and some are living, in my life I've loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers, there is none compared to you,
All these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as new
Though I know I'll never lose affection for the ones I knew,
I know in my life I'll often stop and think of them, but you
For the long run you should know that there will never be a new
I LOVE YOU ... forever and for always too.

Original

John Lennon - In my life

Friendship

I was pressured, if I can say so, to write something that doesn’t have much importance to the world, something simple, something easy and yet I find it extremely difficult. I thought to myself if I am capable of doing this. I don’t think myself capable to, but still I’m writing these lines, not as fast as I wrote the others, but I am. That must mean something, though. I thought of a variety of subjects and chose one that was closer to heart, that many others.
Friendship.

In my life I had many friends. Most of them turned out to be something that I did not expected or turned their backs on me when I most needed them there and so I learned to do things by myself, to live for myself. Some of them hurt me; others never took me for granted and with some, even if I see them occasionally, I barely talk to them, unless I have reasons and I see them as someone who meant something for me in the past, but has no importance for me at this point in life. But I’m not writing this to talk about them. They’re not important.

This is about Corinne.
I met her three years ago when I changed school. She had been the first one I knew from that class. Even if we weren’t sitting at the same desk, or weren’t spending all breaks together at that point, we got along rather good. We always used to take the same bus to get home, since we live close to each other and she soon became my only friend from school. Two years ago she changed school, but, fortunately, we remained good friends. I somehow ended up needing her as a friend. That is something that had never happened to me before. Even though we weren’t in the same school anymore we saw each other everyday. She slept at my place many times and I slept at her place the equal amount of times.

We grew very close and we could talk about anything while listening to some random songs on my computer and holding hands. I think we could exchange words forever and never tire of it. Somehow even if what she has to say isn’t that important to me, I listen and nod and laugh and scream of joy when I have to, when I see a certain reaction in her smile or in her eyes. Sometimes I don’t even listen to what she says and just look at her. Seeing the way she smiles when she ends a sentence that isn’t supposed to make me laugh or anything else, or when she complains in the mirror while trying to get her hair to stay straight, or when she doesn’t agree with something that I say. She doesn’t contradict me, she just changes her expression ever so slightly and that is all I need to understand that her opinion is different.

We also tend to stay for minutes at a time, long minutes at a time, in silence and I usually hate silence when I’m not alone. I usually have the feeling that I have to say something, because I don’t welcome silence. Well, with her it’s another story. At times I have the feeling that even if we’re not talking we still have some sort of connection, stronger and bigger than words. It’s like we don’t have to talk, to communicate, if that makes any sense at all.

This post however, was supposed to contain the opinions of other people about me. Of those people that mean something to me. I will put it at the end of this post, or I’ll just make another one, but those opinions will appear here. The reason for my change of plan is that her opinion simply means the most to me. She wrote what she honestly thinks about me and she wrote the truth:

“Honestly, even if sometimes you are cad and mean and things end up to be only the way you want them to be, it doesn’t really bother me that much. I like you the way you are. You are the only person I know for a short period of time and understand so well. Hope you like it. Love you!”

It’s not a philosopher’s note, nor that of a poet. She wrote it exactly how she felt it and even if, dear reader, you won’t understand a thing from it, this note means to me more than anything that had been written from my own hand.

Last night I got to realize just how much she means to me. She can calm me down when I’m about to burst out screaming of fury. She can make me understand why I have to do the things I don’t like. She can keep me on leach, for if it weren’t for her I don’t even want to think how my life would have been by now.

And even though she is everything that I want and need, she doesn’t understand all the things that I see in her because she can not see them. All that innocence and passion; the whit and the foolishness; the calm and the angriness. All of it makes her what she is and she can’t see what I like about her.

Emotions

I saw you in the end of day
Your hands
I want to feel
The thought of it will blow away
The fear
Of holding what was real.

If there’s an end to all of this
There will be pain
I want the heart I know I’ll miss
Am I insane?

I want you to be here with me
Alone
Forever more
I can not live away from you
For you
Give reason to my soul.

Emotions run through me at times
When you’re not here
But only those about your eyes
Can make me fear.

love hurt
by diana dark

i could climb a mountain
if you'd be with me
i would write a novel
about you and me

feeling things and living memories that hurt
makes me happy 'cause i know
it was true and it was ours
even if you had to leave
last it was enough for me

calling out and hearing echoes
mine 'cause your's are far away.
i want to hear and so i dream
about you and about us
moments that hurt, but memories i love

Moments

All of a sudden I felt the need to write, that eagerness that can rule you like nothing else. I try to breath, to think clearly, but I don’t want to lose this. I know that maybe I won’t even decipher my own words on the paper, but I’m not going to stop.

The thing that started this was not a thing at all, but a he. I don’t know why, but it overwhelmed me. Maybe it has nothing to do with him at all, maybe it’s just a coincidence, but somehow I can’t stop myself.

It happened as I climbed on. He was standing before me and he looked somehow surprised by seeing me there, for whatever reasons may he have. He smiled and looked away. I smiled and looked away. I went to punch my ticket and took a seat in the almost deserted bus. I looked out the window and could feel him looking at me even if I was looking in an entirely different direction. I could barely hide my smile and I have no idea what had came over me. I stole a glance at him, but at that particular moment he had turned and looked away. I had a strange urge to laugh out loud, but, thankfully, stopped myself. Once I looked out the window again, his eyes were set on mine, as missiles ready to be shot and destroy the target, fixed on nothing else but it.

As I had foreseen, he climbed down at the next stop. He could have simply got off it and end it, but he chose different. Before the doors opened, he stood in front of me (the doors being in front of him) and I could feel once again his eyes on me. I couldn’t help myself and had to challenge him. He however rose to the challenge and did not look away. We simply stared at each other until the bus pulled to a stop and the doors had opened. He climbed down, but yet again, he couldn’t have let it like that. As the bus started moving he passed my window and looked again at me, and I also looked at him. Why? I have no idea. He smiled. I smiled and looked away still smiling.

Now while I’m writing this on my computer, as I eat some cake made basically only with chocolate (my favorite) I ponder on an idea that had been rolling around in my head since the moment I woke up at 5 a.m. About moments. Moments when we feel that we can understand everything. Moments when everything seems at peace. Moments when we feel capable of controlling everything without even thinking. This control whoever is shallow, because we can only control ourselves and our mind, even if it’s free to go to the most strange and unthinkable places, it is in those moments that we can create or imagine or make something out of nothing more foolish that looking at someone you don’t even know, at someone you never talked to and feel nothing for. Out of that nothing you can make something, even it is something foolish and stupid and with no sense whatsoever, it is still something. Those moments can come to you while walking down a deserted street, or while holding your lovers hand. It comes to you after crying or after laughing for minutes, hours, days. That moment answers to nothing. You can’t find a reason for it, but creation.

I love chocolate cake.

Remembering

Here I stand before you. No clothing to hide my so many flaws. No jewelry to richen my shabby body. Naked. I want you to see me as I am. As I was born. Unable to hide anything. Unable to lie. Just as I am.

Do you like what you see, do you like me, or are you disgusted and sickened by what you see? For, I know that in this moment you can see my every secret. You can see the way my heart is beating faster and stronger only by seeing you again. You can see my brain cells functioning, remembering everything. For, I was dead for as long as you were gone and it was you the one who brought me back to life. You've done nothing, but breathed and woke me from my endless sleep. Why can’t I just scream out to you? Why can’t you just answer back? Is it that hard to forgive and forget? Is it that hard to leave everything behind? May I touch you one last time? May I kiss again those lips that brought so much pleasure to mine? My body is screaming for your touch.

I want you.

Nothing

I could tell myself that he is dead. I keep telling myself that, but there is no use. How can I think of him so much? Why can’t I just forget you? I should be able to live, to love, to laugh and cry as a normal person that I am, but I can not. I love something that does not exist; I love something that can not exist. You’re my dream, my heat, my sweat; you’re everything, but nothing.

I have to remember to live, to love, to laugh and cry, but when I do I think of you. I’ll be alone forever, but I will be with you, holding the void space that should be you, loving the air that should be you, loving it and hating it because it is not. I want to die, to forget, to cry, to disappear, to be no more. It’s torture knowing that I can never have, knowing that no matter how hard and how far away I’ll look I’ll find only void, air, you.

Nothing.

Living

Life is something that’s worth living only when you have with whom. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t what you to take my words for granted. It’s simply my opinion.

When you’re alone, you can often think that you are deserted. You look around and find no one sitting beside you. You stay and write these words down as the song goes on in your favorite pub “I wanna go home” on and on, continuously repeating the  same line until you finish your drink. But you can’t go home and you don’t want to. You have another place to be at, but all you want to do is stay here, but to be surrounded by your friends.

Now as you leave the pub the lyrics you can decipher from the song tell you that you miss someone. The question is whom.

A new point of view

By Diana Dark

She’s walking in the desert
Aside a running spring
It’s dry and it is gusty
She’s guided by that spring

She wonderes down her path
Searching for what will come
Forgetting of her past
And waiting for the sun

It will be soon a memory
From the dept of her mind
No bigger than a spider
No stronger than a fly

The hunting days are over
The moon is new and bright
She says outloud to no one
While looking at the sky

I wished for something perfect
I wished for what’s not real
She realises slowly
The sun was out and real

The light of it was stronger
Than that of any star
It’s giving us the day light
It’s giving us a life

A life that’s filled with laughter
And joy and smiles and light
In which you feel the nature
In all it’s glory might

You see it’s every corner
Wanting to make you feel
The love in every kisses
The warmth of every meal

It’s there waiting for you
You’re there, go see it too
You had stopped feeling blue
You started live anew

Poetry. Yeah I do that too.

Gazing

By Diana Dark

In life you fall a thousand times
In dreams you fly away
Alone you think you’re strong, but though
With someone you are more.
Forever she may see him there,
But never truly hers.
He will forever be her dream
But she’ll remain alone.

She loved him even though she knew
Her love was something strange.
How could somebody love a star
That could not smile, nor cry.
He shone above making it seem
That he will never die.
But what she hadn’t realized
Was that her life was slipping by.

In thirty years she may be dead
A life alone been lived,
And thousand years may pass on by
But he will shine on still.
He’ll live forever high above
Surrounded by the stars
And all the problems of the world
Will mean nothing to him.

He realized there was someone
Who kept on looking up
Looking at something that he thought
Was him or was it not?
But time went by, seconds to him
And many kept on looking
They stared, they gazed, they glanced, but no
Love was not in their eyes.

So then he started on his search
To find the own who loved
The one who looked at him with eyes
That hid the soul from lies
Unwanted eyes, and spies, but still …
He saw the love hidden behind
And now, he looked, but could not find
The one who loved so much was gone.

He found a tomb right underneath
An archway that was shinning.
He soon found out his light, his rays
Were heating up the stoning
A woman lay beneath the stone
To young for him to think
The death of this forgotten soul
Was just and not a sin.

He knew she was the one he sought
The one whose eyes held love
Unlike the lies and shallow words
He saw and heard be said.
To wake her up was a mere thought
He knew he won’t do that
It was a crime, a lie, a sin
To wake her as she slept.

He knew her body was as cold
As winter rain on stone
And would not let her freeze if he
Had something else to say.
He kept on shinning on the stone
That was place there to be
The only memory and sing
That she had lived and loved.

His rays and light were covering
The grave, that inkling night
To warm her body that was trapped
Inside that coffin, wet.
His light was shinning all around
Making it seem as though
The whitest snowflake was a gray
Compared to its brightness.

Her body could not feel the heat
And certainly not the light
But her soul was lighting up
To feel the one she loved
She woken up, out of the grave
And saw him looking down
She smiled and followed him today
Was it truth or a lie.

As of today I will not cry
I will not hide to try to lie
The way I feel day after day,
My heart of gold trying to pay
The loneliness within my soul
Attention so it won’t be cold.

A hell of a happy new year

So this is my first post, not of the year. This is my first post ever. A friend helped me with it, because I’m too mentaly deranged to do it myself. It came out of the blue even if I wanted to do it for a long time.

I’ll start by wishing a Happy New Year too all those who matter to me, as for the rest, I hope someone else wished you a Happy New Year. I’m mean I know. Get used to it. I’m usually like this to those who are strangers to me so don’t take it personally.

Since it’s the end of the year I”ll talk about the way I spent the night between 2007 and 2008.

After planning for a perfect All Girl New Year Party with nerves and shouts, as in any party planing I do, it had been the best party ever. We only changed the location at some point after midnight and after drinking some cheep imitation of champagne. Some friends invited me and my friends to their little party and we made a huge party out of it, with drinking, dancing, jumping, yelling, shouting and least but not last snogging. It was hylarious that before we went there it seemed to be, except for a few couples, an all guy party. Great mix, great music, great crowd, all the wine you can have, food and by the end of the night a very comfortable couch.

We retired sometimes around 4 or 5, I don’t exactly recall, came to my place and around 6 or 7 tuned out. I enjoyed it beyond my expectations and can’t wait till the next time I’m going to crash an all guy party with my friends.